I find myself lost in time and space,
neither of which make much sense
The time in fits and starts
Drags at one moment
And then the next I find threehoursgone
How can it be?
Space is it where I am or where I’ve been
The apartment feeling so big or small
Not based on any reasonable circumstance and yet
It can be my haven, my rest, comfortable and cozy
And then suddenly suffocatingly small, too hot, too near to others.
I’m wondering how to find the place that I belong.
Is it here and now?
I don’t really think so.
Somewhere I’ve yet to discover then?
Will this be the way to there or am I just stumbling along
Trampling the very flowers I’ve been looking for.
I need a light at the end of my tunnel, a candle in the window,
a whisper in the wind saying “this is the place” and a knowing in my heart.
A map with a large red arrow saying “You are here.”
Here being not a random someplace on the way to somewhere else
but the here that I am called to,
that knows my shape like the dip in my pillow,
the soft crease in my bed.
The here that my heart knows is home.