Friday, May 7, 2010
Suddenly free to be free, suddenly. Like a small metal ball in a maze game, the box has been tipped and I am barreling down twists and turns: then completely out of the box, across the floor, past the cat and through the front door. It seems I didn’t know what was waiting for me and so now, when the veil has been ripped off I can see, perhaps a bit blinded by the light, but I can see. I had not known or rather had forgotten, that this happiness was waiting for me. Like a hostage victim, held too long, becoming so used to her captors she no longer chooses to be free. I had stayed trapped, unaware that the door truly had been unlocked the entire time and all I needed to do was turn the knob and step through. With one push I am out; breathing deeply of air scented with jasmine and orange blossoms, dancing barefoot in the cool, soft grass, twirling and laughing with little girl abandon. So happy to have found that the rumors of my pitiable state were just lies spoken in the dark. The truth that I am loved and found beautiful a mystery revealed. I find that what I held onto had held me; confined in a space too small, in half light, with little air and only stale bread and water to feed on. But now released from that darkness, I am feasting at a banquet. The hall high ceilinged, flooded with light and festooned with purple linens, glass goblets clinking, merry making abounding. Ladies in waiting come one after another to whisper in my ear, He loves you, He finds you beautiful and He has been waiting for you to come and dance with Him. So joyful, so happy, so suddenly free.