It happens every spring. I can count on it, yet it always catches me by surprise. The intensity of it, the hunger, the need, always catches me by surprise. There are other times when the desire is there, but it’s never as strong as that first time in spring.
The winter rains begin to draw to an end. There’s freshness in the air, that different smell and the sense that the spring has finally arrived. I’ll begin to notice the bright green of new grass and the budding of the trees. The color of everything will be just a bit brighter. I’ll find myself humming in the morning. Getting dressed for work, I’ll pick out swishy skirts and bright colored blouses. I’ll put on my “fun shoes,” open toed heeled sandals with flowers or flirty colors. I’ll sing to the songs on the radio through my one hour commute. I’ll laugh a little more, my step will be lighter.
And then, in the midst of all of this, some guy, some random guy will come zooming by on his Harley. He will turn and smile at me and then zoom past. Suddenly, desperately I want to be on the back of that bike. Gone from the sameness of my life and the burden of responsibility of every day with husband, children and home. Free to go who knows where, just to go. Just to fly around curves and over mountains, zip through traffic and go. To live free of all of the things that make up my life. Hair flying in the wind, living just in the moment, I imagine it all then. The longing is with me all the way to work and as I pull in the desire to be gone overwhelms me and I find myself crying.